Wednesday, July 1, 2009 apparently I suck at blogging...

I have found that there are some things which are essential to the life of a blogger, one being the internet. For some time now I haven't had internet at my house which makes posting an online journal exceptionally difficult. Either way, I find myself at work waiting for things to finish uploading before I can leave and I figure blogging would be better than watching some rerun of a show online.

Life is odd isn't it? What makes one person so much more likely to be optimistic than others? I know people on both sides of the fence and they seem to be very very different. I sometimes find myself on either side of the fence, not knowing if I have dual citizenship.

Right now we are under alot of changes at work. My department shifted, staffing is shifting, my position might be shifting...into the near future. In the midst of all this where do I find myself? I's almost like the optimism fence is more of an electric dog fence which is running out of juice. Am I optimistic? I don't see a divider...

God is in control...the statement which holds so much truth and so much bull at the same time. Let me clarify. God loves me. God is all knowing, all powerful, all good. And, I know that in all things God works towards the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. This is truth. The bull comes in when people throw it out there. cat died...don't worry, God is in control. Something about people throwing that out there in the midst of that or other circumstances makes me angry inside.

I feel like so much of my life is shrouded in uncertainty. It seems that whenever I feel like I have a big direction to go somewhere, things get pulled out from under my feet. I have been in this constant place of treading water now for I don't know how long. I want to move something. I know this may sound really weird, but I was cleaning my room the other day and I had this strange feeling. It was that feeling you have about halfway through camp when you realize that the place you are occupying is not really your home. It is your temporary quarters yes, but it is not your home. I am not sure if this feeling came on because I just returned from CampU or if it was because in my sickness, I had been marathoning Kid Nation. Either way, it was odd.

For those of you who may read this, I would love it if you brought me before our Heavenly Father. I need direction and vision. I need momentum. I need a new season. I felt like God has been telling me that He has one for me for a while now, but I don't see anything on the horizon, with the exception of possibly losing my job. Maybe that is the season? I don't know. But I do know this....God is in control.

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