Vacation

Today is the third day of being up in the mountains of Georgia. It has been a much need break. I am always surprised when I get out of Miami and the pace of everywhere else. Often I feel like I am running 1,000 miles an hour in Miami but not getting anywhere. Whenever I go to places like Georgia and Texas I always spend the first couple days feeling restless and antsy, not understanding why I can't calm down. I get so wound up with the everyday needs that it takes a while for me to calm down. The problem is that whenever I get away I realize I need to set boundaries and be healthier back in Miami, then I get back and that all goes out the window... what can be done to make this time any different?

...everything has changed, and will continue to change...

It's funny how things that seem certain can be gone the next minute. It's weird how hearts change and personalities shift. It's weird how you can miss something right under you nose....everything has changed, and will continue to change...

Swatting Sparrows

Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest....oh that Solomon. You and your wisdom. There is nothing more frustrating than misunderstandings. I wish I could just rip open my head and hand my brain to people. It drives me crazy when people don't understand what I am trying to do or say. What is the solution to this? I think all I can do is try to live in integrity and trust that God is my vindicator...it is just frustrating to live in the faith of that reality.

....reflections...

Wow, I can't believe it is already July. It seems like only yesterday that Christmas was here, and now we are halfway back to it. I feel like the year goes so fast and when do we ever slow down to look back? How much of what God does is overlooked because we are always moving onto the next thing? I feel like the pace of Miami is so fast paced that I never find myself with time to reflect. You have to fight for it here. Am I fighting for it? I don't think I am... could this be what I need for a new season? I hope so...

....so apparently I suck at blogging...

I have found that there are some things which are essential to the life of a blogger, one being the internet. For some time now I haven't had internet at my house which makes posting an online journal exceptionally difficult. Either way, I find myself at work waiting for things to finish uploading before I can leave and I figure blogging would be better than watching some rerun of a show online.

Life is odd isn't it? What makes one person so much more likely to be optimistic than others? I know people on both sides of the fence and they seem to be very very different. I sometimes find myself on either side of the fence, not knowing if I have dual citizenship.

Right now we are under alot of changes at work. My department shifted, staffing is shifting, my position might be shifting...into oblivion...in the near future. In the midst of all this where do I find myself? I dunno....it's almost like the optimism fence is more of an electric dog fence which is running out of juice. Am I optimistic? I don't see a divider...

God is in control...the statement which holds so much truth and so much bull at the same time. Let me clarify. God loves me. God is all knowing, all powerful, all good. And, I know that in all things God works towards the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. This is truth. The bull comes in when people throw it out there. Oh....my cat died...don't worry, God is in control. Something about people throwing that out there in the midst of that or other circumstances makes me angry inside.

I feel like so much of my life is shrouded in uncertainty. It seems that whenever I feel like I have a big direction to go somewhere, things get pulled out from under my feet. I have been in this constant place of treading water now for I don't know how long. I want to move forward...in something. I know this may sound really weird, but I was cleaning my room the other day and I had this strange feeling. It was that feeling you have about halfway through camp when you realize that the place you are occupying is not really your home. It is your temporary quarters yes, but it is not your home. I am not sure if this feeling came on because I just returned from CampU or if it was because in my sickness, I had been marathoning Kid Nation. Either way, it was odd.

For those of you who may read this, I would love it if you brought me before our Heavenly Father. I need direction and vision. I need momentum. I need a new season. I felt like God has been telling me that He has one for me for a while now, but I don't see anything on the horizon, with the exception of possibly losing my job. Maybe that is the season? I don't know. But I do know this....God is in control.

...valets and saunas....

So I had one of the weirder experiences of my life this weekend. On Friday I went to see The Ryan graduate from Gulliver. It is weird, I remember meeting him three years ago when he was about to start his sophomore year. He seems like a very different person today....anyway, although some of you may think Ryan graduating is the weird part, it isn't.

The Davis family, who is always more generous then I know what to do with, invited me to spend the weekend with them. They had rented rooms out at the Ritz-Carlton Spa/Resort on Key Biscayne and had gotten me a room. Needless to say, I am not accustomed to "vacationing at the Ritz" so I was more than overwhelmed upon arriving.

The valet (that's right, I don't park my car...pssshh) was friendlier than the majority of people I have ever met, picture a Best-Buy manager in Texas friendly. Then I walked inside, I was greeted four times before I got to the desk to check-in. They were all "yes sir" and "it would be my pleasure Mr. Spead." Yeah...weird pants... I went to my room, 8th floor... here are some pics...

That was the view from my room and the other is obviously the bathroom. But it was just strange to me that this is life for some people. Hear me, I don't blame them. It is amazing being treated like royalty but the whole time I felt alittle...detached...I think that is the word I am looking for.

Anywhoo.....food....food was incredible. Being a bachelor, I am not exactly trained in the fine art of cooking. For me, cooking normally consists of standing in line at Panera (yuuuummmm, love me some Panera). So, when the option of fine dining (free fine dining at that) is offered I am not one to pass it up. I took a few pictures of the food that ROOM SERVICE brought up to me...

So one is Eggs Benedict that I had for breakfast....you may (whoever you are) be tired of reading this by the end, but AMAZING!! It was definitely worth getting up early for. Another picture is the Turkey Club I had for dinner and then the Key Lime Pie with Mango Drizzle that I had for dessert. I also had some shrimp tacos with Mango salsa but I didn't take a photo.

The highlight of the weekend BY FAR was the spa. I am not a "spa person" normally. When I hear spa I think cucumbers and mud...neither of which sound like a good time to me. However, at the Ritz, they have the gentleman's spa which I went to check out. It was like a movie or something. The doorman gave me a locker key and gave me a brief tour. The lockers were all maple and had gold numbers on each of them. Following a disrobing you walk past the showers and the "grooming room" into the Gentleman's area. This room had a giant hot tub in it, a steam shower, and a dry sauna. 

I LOVE STEAM SHOWERS!! So you basically just sit there and sweat. Really? That's it? I don't have to move or walk outside in the summer? I can just sweat doing nothing? DOES THIS BURN CALORIES?!??! (No it doesn't fatty...) They also had some kind of mint something or other that came out with the steam so it was fresh.

Needless to say, there was a beach and a pool too, but come on, they didn't shoot out mint steam. All in all it was a very surprising blessing. These past few weeks have been building up stress because of several disappointments and I wanted to get away for a bit. Who knew you can do it in your own backyard?

God has better timing than I could ever imagine. Whenever I feel like I have been hit in the face, He is there. I hate how cheesy that sounds but its true. I feel neither left nor forsaken and I am far more grateful then I think I ever express to Him. God is good, even when life throws curve balls. 

I am looking forward to a few things coming up...CampU is on the horizon. It will be the come back of Seven Anyday. I am giddy. I love leading worship with those guys, it recharges and challenges me. I am also looking forward to the visit of DFanch in July, but more on that later. I have been rambling for a while....I am off to....do something other than blogging...

Decisions, decisions....

What do you do when friends are hurting? It seems like this is always a looming question for me. I mean, I know what I want when I am upset. The irony is that some things we want, but we don't want certain people to try to help us. So...what to do?

There is a part of me that always wants to invade into the place of peoples hurt and physically pull them out of their pain. Whether that is through distraction or trying to rationalizing I just want people to be able to move forward past pain.

David (my adopted Miami dad) said something very interesting to me tonight. He said the problem with people is that we try to perceptually understand an emotional event. We spend so much time and effort trying to understand why things happen. We say things like "why would God let this happen?" or "if I only knew what was going on I would feel better." The truth of the matter is that understanding why things happen doesn't remove the emotions attached to them.

Why are children kidnapped and forced to be soldiers? Because people are selfish and want power at any cost. There....not to trivialize it, but that seems to be the root. We now know why that happened, but does it take away our emotions about it? Nope.

I guess in the end all we can do is trust God and pray that our friends and loved ones are able to feel loved and move on past emotional events....that still frustrates me to no end though...